I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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