So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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