I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
