he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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