Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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