I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize