Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
