The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
