I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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