Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
