I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
