They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
