my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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