Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Couch. On fire.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
