Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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