I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize