Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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