Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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