if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
