so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
