U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
