I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
