even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize