Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize