God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
