This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
