No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
