i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
