I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
