I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
