put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
