Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
