I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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