Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
