What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize