I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
