Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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