Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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