I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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