I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
