I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
where are my eyebrows?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
