I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Text me some of your sweat
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
