It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
