Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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