***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
