and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
