i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
