Small penises have feelings too.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's blow job season.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
