plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
