I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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