I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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