those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
