I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
