if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
