if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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