I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
