What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
