I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
