tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
