mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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