Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
