I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
