you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
