Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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