Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
only you would photoshop your dick
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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