Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize