finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
