I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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