i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
