Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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