We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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