Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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