Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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